So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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