Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
