Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
