I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
