I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
