i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
