apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
