I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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