I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
