I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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