Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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