yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize