She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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