you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
