My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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