so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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