$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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