i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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