the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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