she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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