How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
