dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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