She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
