Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
