Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
