Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That accounts for only three of the penises
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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