It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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