i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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