do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
