i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
