Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think my tv is drunk
he thought i was a dude.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
