I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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