The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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