Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
