Little spoons don't ask big questions
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm like, not good at living.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
