I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
