I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
