I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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