Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I could make wine with my vomit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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