lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
