He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
