You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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