I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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