Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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