Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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