dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
