Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
