No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
