We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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