Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
