I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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