He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
