Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
