She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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