Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
