Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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