Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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