I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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