Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
