you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
