I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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