You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
