just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i need some magic done to my vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
