she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
