Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
