I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
