I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
