i permit you to call me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
