i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
