I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
