Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
