He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
