**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
