Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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