did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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