Cold hands, warm shart.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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