just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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