Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
