do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
